Today I mowed the yard and did a full weed-eater trim job around the entire property. My mower belt shredded today. Luckily, I had a backup belt. Jill and Noah are still in Illinois with her Mom, but here surgery went well and then on to treating the cancer after she has recovered from this first issue. The girls and I have been holding things together. We went for an evening walk down to the horse stables. Mowing and spending time with the girls made me think a lot today...
Well it's time to get back into blogging. I dropped Facebook for a couple months and I'm getting ready to leave it permanently. It has been freeing to not be constantly reading idiotic posts/political banter, etc. I have even considered maybe leaving Instagram as well. I believe the blog is the place to be for me right now. I had a great phone conversation with Chuck Kraus a few weeks ago and my last couple of conversations with Eric have been really good and inspiring. They have made me realize how important those relationships have been to me and they are not centered around social media. They have always been centered around doing things, making things, and just talking directly to each other. After talking with Chuck and Eric, I spent some time going back through my blog and I am thankful for documenting that time spent working with them via this blog. They both cannot begin to know how much they have inspired me over the years and I am so grateful for this. I need to continue paying gratitude to people and writing thoughts here to record the impact that others are currently making on me and to give thanks for the blessings. I need to thank those who I love rather than focus on the evil in the world.
But first when it comes to evil...the world has become artificial due to social media. This is also what sorts us into groups and isolates us from true conversation. Everything is a 1 or a 0; there is no way to be a .75 or a .5 or a .25 or a .001. There is no middle ground anymore: "you're either with me or against me" "be careful, because I'm watching what you're NOT saying/posting", "make up your mind about which side you're on and make sure you tell everyone", "if you disagree with me, then you're my enemy." It feels a little like my last job or an extreme version of high school, or an episode of Survivor. Honestly, I'm tired of how it all makes me feel.
I've been watching a lot of educational travel documentaries with my kids right now. When you start to look at people from other countries and see their priorities, you realize how far out of wack things have gotten in our country. You realize as Americans that we don't even make up 5% of the world's population. It's actually 4.23% but you would think that it's 100 % when you see how the world/universe revolves around our own personal American concerns and causes. People need to think about this; I NEED TO THINK ABOUT THIS. There is someone much larger out there than ourselves. Maybe this space will allow me to have a honest internal /external conversations with myself if nothing else. I find things I see online clouding my head right now and overtaking my sanity. If this is happening to others, it's no wonder things are out of control...
I'm really bummed that I didn't keep this blog going during our move to Boone and especially during our move to the new property, but life just happened and I fell out of the pattern of writing. It's unfortunate, because regardless of how it sounds in the previous paragraphs, I'm in a good place. I recently read Arthur Hash's blog (I'm glad to see him back blogging and honestly this is yet another reason to get back into this. Arthur has always been someone who I respect in this world for his work ethic, sense of design, vision, etc. and ultimately he seems like a super great person who cares about others.) and some of the things he recently wrote struck a real chord in me. He discussed leaving teaching, the pressure of tenure, trying to prove that you're worthy of a teaching position, depression, working at a frenzied pace, and dissatisfaction in his own creative work, etc. What he wrote resonated so strongly as these are all things I was struggling with in Milwaukee...EVEN AFTER achieving tenure. I was spiraling out of control regardless of the recognition I had received in Milwaukee for various things. I was generally absent from my family life except for special occasions, and Jill held it all together. My friend Adream kept telling me to "go home" and "stop spending so much time at school".
When we moved here to Boone, I got my life back. I would even say that I got my life back that I had before I started grad school; even pre children. I remember working my factory job during undergrad and I always thought that the reason I was going to college was so that eventually I would have a job where I was valued as an individual. Leaving Milwaukee made me realize that I was a factory worker even there; anyone can be replaced regardless of their skill devotion, etc. Leaving has also made me realize that the job did not define who I was, nor will my new job define me. The institution here is much the same way honestly; I'm still a factory worker here. The only difference is that I have been able to hit the reset button here, I have perspective on things from working somewhere else, and I can choose what I will and won't do (and honestly the expectation level is much lower here).
There are so many things I have reconnected and reinvested in here; my family, my faith and myself. All of the years putting countless hours into the institution, facilities, equipment, degree programs, etc. and then leaving it all behind made me realize that someone else will fill that spot on the assembly line and every trace of my previous role there will be erased as if my work never existed. I even see programs at other schools drying up when people retire and disappearing. The relationships with former students and the impact they made on me, is the only thing that lives on. This will put things into perspective quickly when thinking about where to put time and energy and making decisions about priorities becomes easy. This move to Boone has allowed me to put the same amount of energy I put into the UWM Digital Craft Research Lab/ Digital Fabrication/Metals program(s) into my own studio, raising my kids, loving my wife, and loving God (not necessarily in that order). Priorities have been realigned and I am reaping the benefits of taking time for the important things in life; faith, health, true personal relationships, my kids, work life, friends, creativity, etc.
Arthur mentioned in one of his blog posts that his life was probably half over. I have been thinking this for the last several years about myself. My friend Adream was the same age as me, and she passed away this time last year, so I might even have less time... you just never know. All the more reason to get my priorities straight. After leaving Milwaukee I've seen people I worked with there implode. I've witnessed the toll that the pressure has put on people and their personal and work relationships, their work, and their identity. Sustainability is on my mind a great deal these days. How can I sustain my career but more importantly how can I sustain the important relationships with my family and the friends who really made a difference along the way and truly cared for me. That starts with Jill, my parents and siblings, Jill's parents and siblings, my kids, former teachers/mentors/professors, Jake, Ian, Carrie, Eric, Jennifer, Chuck, Adream, and so many students that I can't even list here (for fear that I'll leave someone out). (I'll hopefully share some future posts about those students who have made SUCH an impact on me over the years). I also have people here in Boone that I am forming similar bonds with like Travis and Adam. I need to remember that and I need to spend time to thank those people as I might not have the chance to do this tomorrow.
Sorry for the long re-entry into the blogosphere. Stay tuned and stay safe...
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