The kids are growing up so fast. It's interesting to look back at this blog and see how far we have all come.
This year has been incredibly difficult for our family with some challenges that I honestly was not certain that I would get through...or at least come out on the other side with us all intact. I have lived a truly blessed life up until a few years ago. At the time I didn't realize the how bad things were. At various points I felt: that I might loose custody of my kids, that my marriage to Jill might end, that a life might be lost due to addiction, or that my safety and the safety of my family was in danger. It's hard to look back and believe all of these bad things happened or that these things could ever happen to me. Somehow we stayed standing and Jill and I were able to balance the demands of our jobs and the needs of other people and students around us. I can only think that it was grace that allowed us to keep living our lives.
Now that we have all had some time to start to recover, I am still finding it difficult to forgive and to cope with the memories of some of the things that happened to us all. I know that we are all stronger as a result of the things that happened, but it still doesn't make it easy to forgive and to move forward. I am working on this though and praying for guidance. I am reminded of Abraham being willing to relinquish his son to the Lord and showing his faith that God would provide through everything. I am also reminded of Joseph's brothers selling him into slavery in Egypt, and yet later in life those same brothers were forgiven and saved from famine by Joseph. How can we learn to forgive people for the things they have put us through? I am reminded that my heavenly Father has forgiven me for the times that I have done wrong things or that I have hurt others, and I need to be able to do the same. Otherwise, I will live a miserable existence and hold a grudge for the rest of my life. This is no way to live and I need to remind myself of this regularly.
I know so many people in my life that interact with me on a daily basis or who read this blog would think me a fool to trust in God and to have faith in something that is unseen in the physical sense. I know many people believe that the Bible is full of stories, that they see as myth. I know that the act of stating my belief in that great Book will most likely distance me from friends and even family. I wish that we not the case and I wish people respected other people for their own integrity, character, and the choices that they make in their own life. I have struggled with what people think of me or my beliefs for quite some time. I tried to not confront or guide my son for many years as I was afraid of what he might say in response to my beliefs. I stood by and listened to the things that our culture was telling him and I accepted them as my son's truths. I have seen relationships be continuously strained by the lies that we consume as truth. I have seen people trying to fill the void of happiness with things that further cause their lives to spiral out of control. These things have brought me great sadness and at times despair for the people I love and yet I kept my mouth shut for fear of upsetting someone. In this past year things came to an impasse.
My family is coming out of this time and we are working to rebuild and strengthen our faith. We are seeking to be able to forgive without judgement. We are trying to continually remember the blessings we have received in our life, and to be thankful with our entire soul and being for the amazing world around us, and for our children, and for every human life we encounter. I am wrestling with the Word and trying to gain a better understanding so that I may grow in my faith. I am working on the most important relationship I will ever have...
Noah is doing well. We see him twice each week at church. I am proud of him for working through the difficult things that he has faced in the last several years. I believe he has a strong future ahead of him if he can meet the challenges of each and every day and remember the blessings he has received. I have fully given up control of the situation and honestly have put my trust in God to lead him. I pray that God will fill the emptiness that he has felt in last few years and that he will restore him. I also pray that Noah and I will have a restored relationship and that I will fully forgive him. Noah has a good heart and I love to see the musical abilities that he has springing up inside of him.
Maya got her braces off last week and I am so happy for her. She is playing tennis and enjoying her friends. She is a smart and strong and I know that she grow up to be a strong woman. The way "she feels things" intensely speaks to my heart. Her love and compassion for others warms my soul.
Olivia is currently taking dance lessons and she always makes me laugh with the quirky things she says. She is also smart, kind, and creative. Her love of beauty and the details of things she enjoys, brings me great joy. Her need for "alone time" in order to recharge and her ability to be by herself creating things quietly, reminds me of myself. I hope she never relinquishes this to anyone and protects this innate desire from those who might judge it to be meaningless. She will also grow up to be a strong woman.
I have truly been blessed with a wonderful wife and three beautiful children whom I am thankful for.
No comments:
Post a Comment