time...

I've been thinking about time lately...

Jill and I went and visited her NanNan in the nursing home while were home. It had been a long time since we had seen her and we wanted to make certain that the girls saw her on this visit home. It was so good to see her and to have the opportunity to talk. We discussed the locket that she had on, that had pictures of her and Jill's PaPa and talked about them getting married. We also talked about the amount of sewing that she did for her daughter (Jill's Aunt) and how she made so many things for the house, both functional and decorative. I felt incredibly emotional after we left the nursing home. I was not as close to Jill's father's side of the family as I was to her mother's so I was later confused about why the visit had left me so emotional. I just felt so overwhelmed by the experience.

I have come to realize that it is the thought of time and realizing that time is limited and finite that has left me pondering what I need to adjust in my life. Why does it take us so long to understand that time is precious, and therefore what we choose to spend our time doing is or particular importance? 

One of the reason's that I have come back to the blog is that I realized that the blog had been replaced with social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook, and I have noticed with friends, family, and students how much time is consumed by looking at whatever appears on their screen without any regard for true value or an honest or true connection with that which they are "connecting" with. I no longer seek out content from other who I truly value and Instagram doesn't allow me to do this easily. At the same time meaningful relationships are discarded and actual verbal communication shuts down. 

I discussed this with Jill last night as we made intentional time to just sit on the couch and talk after the girls went to sleep. We talked about spending time with her Grandparents when we were dating and how we would go to their house after school and we would just sit and talk (maybe while playing cards) or/and discuss the day's events or funny things that happened. Last night we also discussed that both of our families were far less political in discussions during those years (and I don't mean that they didn't care about our country at that time) and there was so much more hope for the future. I just don't remember the over arching feeling of despair being present in my life at that time. One might think that this is due to young innocence, but I actually think that our families were just happier during my childhood. I know this may seem nostalgic talk, but there seems to have been a shift in people's demeanor the moment that we became in-prisoned to a world that was larger, or tied to things that frankly really do not matter in the grand scheme of things. I myself have been filled with feelings of anger, depression, inadequacy at times in this last year and I can honestly say that the things I am consuming have caused most of this. 

Yesterday I was driving back from taking Jill's Mom to the airport and I listened to a radio show that said that there is growing concern about social media and how it is proven that is is causing serious issues and mental problems in our teenagers and that we need to protect our young people. I am uncertain how we can apply this research to only teenagers and not think that is has had an effect on adults. The show went on to state that the way to adjust a bad behavior was to think about our consumption of media as a diet and how it has the potential to nourish or deplete our energy. I later flipped over to a different discussion on another station that brought up that we need to think about where we devote time in our lives as it starts to tell us where our true priorities are placed. 

This brings me back to Jill's NanNan. I don't want to look back on time and realize that all I have to show for my time is a breakdown in true communication with the ones I love who are right in front of me. The random person who I "connect with" on social media will not be the person visiting me in the nursing home. The random colleague who I worked with, most likely will not be the person who visits me in the nursing home. The random student that I taught will most likely not be the person who visits me in the nursing home. Rather it will be my kids, my grandchildren, my close personal friends, and my family. 

There have been so many attempts to defund or boycott things to demonstrate protest, or to bring justice to an issue, and to level the playing field in the last several years. I truly believe that it will take a major shift in our society to eliminate the distractions that pull us away from the true issues in our world. Marx wrote that "religion os the opium of the masses" but I argue that media and the consumption of media is the opium of today's culture and we actually think that it is helping us be better informed citizens. Social media is an epidemic.  

I have watched my own son spiral into a deep place due to the "truths" that he consumed over the course of a few years. I have watched family member's relationship deteriorate as they no longer are able to reconcile differences or even know how to communicate. I have seen productivity in the workplace screech to a halt. I have seen a lack of leadership and vision for the future at work, and I have just seen a lack of respect for people and their differences erode. When will people realize that their lives, or rather their time, has been stolen and is being sold for profit and the ideas they are consuming is a steady diet of junk food that is fueling a life filled with despair and depression? 

I am going to TRY to take a long hiatus from social media as a test to see how I can use my time more productively. This does not mean that I necessarily think I will replace this time with making more physical things or "getting things done". I am hoping instead that I am able to create more intentional moments with my family that I hopefully will still be able to remember when I'm sitting in the nursing home visiting with them. I hope to be more present in my everyday relationships. I hope to be a better listener. I hope to spend more time just existing in the moment. I hope to be able to sit with myself and have quiet and reflective personal time. I hope to take back my time and have a sense of hope in my life that I can reflect back into my personal relationships that are meaningful to me. 

I realize this is a monumental task but I am going to try. This blog will continue to be my way or documenting my weekly work and allow for a space to have dialogue (most likely with myself as I'm not certain how many people are actually reading this). Regardless it feels good to think about drawing back into the things that matter and spending valuable time doing things that matter.