the toy aisle

I've been thinking about how my parents raised me. For instance, the care that they had for me as a child and the time they spent with me. I was talking to my parents on the phone last week and they were discussing their weekly trips "to town" to get groceries and to shop for necessities. This has been a long standing tradition; they travel to Mattoon or Effingham to purchase the things they need each week since they live in a small town with less variety and access to the things they use. We would do this every week when I was a kid and it usually corresponded with Dad getting his weekly paycheck. They were telling me about how they now take my grand nephew with them to get groceries. My mom was telling me how Great Grandpa takes Rob down the toy aisle to look at trucks each week and how my grand nephew is really enjoying looking at Christmas trees and decorations that are starting to be on display in the stores. 

She was telling me about how a kid could be content with just looking at the toys without even buying anything. This made me think about how my dad would do the same thing with me and my brother. He would take us down the toy aisle and just let us look at everything and he would give us the time and space to just look and dream about owning a toy. Sometimes we would get to buy something but not always. Now as an adult I see the importance of just being able to manage desire. I also see the importance of him spending time with us and discussing the things we were interested in. I know the toy aisle was just a distraction from the time it took Mom to buy groceries necessities, and I know that the toy aisle was just a stop on the way to the sporting goods section, but it was a wise use of time that became an investment in us (as developing humans).  

As I have put away my phone for the last several weeks, I am reminded of the time that I DID NOT spend with my kids having conversations when they were little. I was too selfish to give up my own aspirations, or frankly lazy distractions, to take the time to realize that I needed to invest my time in my kids by having everyday conversations. I wish I would have been more intentional with my time when our kids were small. I wish I would have know how quickly they would grow up. The world fooled me into thinking that profession and achievement was number one priority. I thought my job was my legacy and that my students were more important than my family. The world fooled me into thinking that knowing what was happening across the world was more important than the events happening in my own household. Now I see that there was probably nothing more important than raising the small people in my own home. Now I see that the small people's concerns were more important that the concerns of the richest person in the world or a news network. Our culture and future generations have been forever altered by the "advancement in tech" and we are now seeing the results of this play out in our world. Loneliness, depression, and greed have become a serious problem that we will be dealing with for a long time. 

I am so thankful for the imagination that developed from looking at those toys, and yet not always getting to buy something. I am certain that the inability to have everything I wanted allowed my brother and I to play and dream when we would get home (sans new toy). I am also certain that this in turn had an impact on my desire to build things and create. It explains the mantra "why would I buy that if I have could build it?".  These simple everyday interactions slowly developed me into the person I would become; just like The Maker shaping a piece of material into a person slowly over time, with each pass/stroke of the tool making an impact and then allowing time to see the result before the next pass is taken. Each pass of the file builds upon the next the pass until a person is fully shaped into the form and beautiful creation they were intended to be. 

I know that I have made many mistakes in my life, but these thoughts and writings allow me to "adjust/correct" the pass of the file as I take on the next challenge or difficulty in my life. I know I am not yet completed and that in this world I will never be perfect, but I have hope. I am starting to see the difference between knowledge and wisdom in my life and in the lives of the people who have helped shape me and I am grateful. Many of my loved ones aren't so lucky to have both of their parents in their life to continue to guide them and to guide the next generation, and so it is my hope that the values that we were raised with will continue to live on through good memories of the simple everyday things that shaped us.

I am so thankful for the questions and conversations that my parents had the time to discuss with me and I'm glad they are still able carry this tradition forward with a second and now a third generation. I am fortunate to have the blessing of good parents who worked together to raise me and my siblings in a loving home, and who took the responsibility of raising kids seriously and did it daily with intention.  

Thank you Mom and Dad.